Re engaging without apologising

Sometimes the world just out and out sucks doesn’t it?

For the last few weeks I have been so frustrated and confused with the direction that some of the most popular conversations about sex have headed. I’m become angry at some of the absolute sex negativity that has been allowed to be dressed up and re branded as sex positivity; how did this happen? How did something that is so clearly nothing but adding a shinny new bow onto the same old crap sneak into what was designated a ‘no go’ area for it?

I, with a handful of choice language thrown in, walked a way for a bit. It was becoming obviously unhealthy for me to be in a space that no longer felt safe to explore. At the time it was easy to do and I was happy with the decision I made. But the last week or so has seen that all to failure ‘itch’ come back, I need to write, I have dozens of all,most finished posts and even more post it notes stuck here and there around my computer. And please do not look in my phone! My note pad is full of all sorts of things sex/kink related (if my phone ever got stolen; well pity help the person that’s all I can say). So I have something to contribute and, now, the desire to do so again.

But this time it’s own my terms.

I’m still going to ‘reactive’ write but I’m going to focus more on presenting pieces that are authentic to my way. I’m going to add my voice to the conversations without fear or hesitation. I don’t care if it’s not the way it’s done! I don’t care if I tread on a few toes. I don’t care if something I say is going to be the opposite of the latest ‘OMG, *gush gush* hero worship’ piece and I no longer care if some dickdouch doesn’t like me!

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure to see the divine Roxane Gay speak (on International Women’s Day of all days; talk about fangirling to the max) and one of the things I took from listening to her speak was that the dominant narrative is not enough anymore.

I want to add something different to the structure of how sex is and how we think it should be. I want to ‘reclaim’ my space as a woman and as a sex writer for myself; in order to become something of the other to what the normal seems to be.

I’m reclaiming my Feminism; however imperfect, however contradictory, however uncomfortable, however limited and frivolous it may be it is MINE and I own it!

I’m going to claim my agenda. I’m going to celebrate the best and criticise the worst and yes I am going to be unapologetically authentic.

But what I am not going to be is exclusive. I have always been committed to removing this idea that feminism is an echo chamber in which those who have been handed public recognition tell us what is okay to say and where we need to stay away from in any given week and to digress even a millimeter away from this approved script is to be tared and feathered, assigned the scarlet letter.

I disagree with a lot that is said/done in the name of feminism. I disagree with a lot of what is claimed as being sex positive and there is a hell of a lot that people argue is ‘okay’ when it comes to sex that I think is damaging, dangerous and down right pathetic, and I will never, not now not ever, apologies again for that.

So, yes, the world just sometimes sucks but I’m not going to let that stop me!