This is rape culture –

 

I’ve sat with this for the last day. I wanted to write an emotive, reactive piece, full of as may expletives I could fit into one blog post. But I decided to sit with this and come at it from another position. Angry, yes, frustrated and pissed that I even should write this, you bet! So exceptionally frustrated that I made the decision last night to not write anything at all.

But after giving myself some time to sit with, and really think about what I wanted to say, what I really needed to put to paper I realised that this deserved more from me than silence. Silence caused by a fear of being labelled nothing more than “hysterical feminist nagging”.

I have never hidden the place of feminism in my writing. I am a feminist who writes about female sexuality and submission. I try to use this platform to bring an alternative position to some of the more dominant framing of both female sexuality and submission; because I think it’s needed and important to those of us who live this. If we only get to see or participate in one version of all of this; then how can we evolve our sense of self to a place it’s most safe within? If the only way that I am allowed to write about any of this is from a place which positions privilege of and obedience to those with power than doesn’t that rule most of us out of both conversation and change?

If I can’t write in a way that makes people uncomfortable and, yes, challenges those who have done wrong to see their choices as illegitimate within BDSM, then I have no reason to keep on writing! For me, as an ardent and unapologetic feminist, I am all about challenging the status quo. About recognising that the way things are, and have been, are so deeply saturated in patriarchy that women have little safety and legitimacy; especially when it comes to our sexual autonomy, choices and voices.

I write because I believe my voice is important and legitimate. I believe my words are needed. And if my words can empower one woman to feel safe enough to explore her sexuality and surrender, or let one victim of sexual violence feel like they are heard and believed then I’m going to keep going.

Even if some would characterise what I write as interfering!

This has all been prompted by the appearance before the courts of “the wolf” (from here on in only referred to as this man) and the allegations of bullying made. Allegations may not be the right words here. I’m not sure if they are exactly that; but they were repeated in the media overnight, and so I am going to go with allegations made. Yesterday it was implied there is an organised attempt to make a mountain out of a mole hill when it comes to the acquisitions of sexual assault being investigated and before the courts. This man, genuinely believes that he is the victim of an orchestrated campaign against him. One that is being undertaken by any of us that comment about him in any way; and I can only assume is a continuance of the one that was happening before he was arrested.

If I believed for a moment that this man felt bullied I would completely disengage with what I’m doing. I’m not calling him a liar, or saying that his lawyer stood before the Bench yesterday and made a false claim. I just don’t believe that what he’s experiencing is bullying; so much as it is the seismic shift of power being taken away from him!

And power is the key theme here. Power over others to extract what you believe that you are entitled to; be in submission, sex, social platform or silence. Silence begotten through the accusations of bullying, and positioning him as the victim. You see, the second men like this lose power, they become the victim. Because they no longer wield the authority to control that becomes the oppressed! Pretty pathetic huh?

The connections between this bullying claim and his manifesto are so obvious to me. See, he was saw himself as an almost puppet master; not just of women – his victims and otherwise, but of the outsiders too. Those of us questioning is writing. Laughing at his predictable prose and poses and supporting those who were posting pieces against him.

One of the most telling pieces he published was a piece called “The exquisite blondes”. The title itself tells you a lot about his need to objectify in order to find connection. For me it was a particular paragraph that really cemented who this man believes, and even now still believes, about himself. He writes …

“I’d been thinking about almost nothing else for a week. I’d been with multiple girls before and yes, the thought of that alone is enough to (literally) keep me up at night but there was far more two this, another level of adventure that had me completely enthralled. I played the scenarios over and over in my head. I could expect complete compliance from both of them, I held the paintbrush and they were my canvas. How corny is that? But how hot is it too?

He held the paintbrush. He, and he alone was the one on active control over everything. His image, the caricature of “the wolf”, his audience and the stories permitted about him. And, like he wrote, he expected complete compliance (how many times can we say this COMPLIANCE IS NOT CONSENT) and, unfortunately, he got it.

Until one woman stood up and said no more! Until she went to the police and made the initial complaint, that lead to the initial investigation, his arrest and multiple charges being laid. An ongoing investigation with the potential of more changes being laid.

The moment Miss X went to the police was the moment that the paintbrush fell out of his hands and his imagined, compelled blind and complete compliance of those around him began to fracture.

Bullying or a smear campaign by the media and those, like me, who write about this, have nothing to do with him being where he is today. The relationship of victim 2 (full disclosure here, if this is who I think it is I have no respect nor time for this man. I think he’s sexual ethics are just as atrocious as this man’s) has now if of no concern to the facts of the (alleged) act of sexual violence perpetrated against her. It is his choices, his absolute lack of regard for the law and for the autonomy and wellbeing of those that, genuinely, loved him, trusted him and wanted to be with him, that see him and his smug face plastered across the Sydney media, and his ass hauled before the courts.

Likewise, and more importantly, it is neither those of us who are discussing this nor the bullying that he is claiming, that is empowering women to step forward and talk about him; to the police or others.

How one can even begin to rationalise that it is through bullying that women venture into the vacuum that is the legal justice system is beyond me! This idea that it is only because of bullying towards him that another woman has stepped forward is, quite simply and nothing more than rape culture!

For those unaware of the concept of rape culture let me explain what I mean by it.

Rape culture are all the dysfunctional, erroneous and compounding ideas, the social norms and sanctions, the language of the media, legal arguments, attitudes and statements of politicians and the public that combine to not only frame the way that sexual violence is perpetrated upon the female body but to constrain the way women are allowed to speak about, and demand redress for their own experiences of sexual violence.

Let me put what was said in context. This case in no longer about two women who were victimised by the sexual choices of this man. This is no longer about victims seeking out the courts to get justice for the crime/s perpetrated upon their bodies. For victims to access legally entitled redress from a man who chose to ignore their agency and violate their right to make informed, reactive decision about their bodies and sexual labour.

No.

This is about a conspiracy.

This is about a man. And another man.

This is about one man orchestrating a vendetta against another and using an allegation of sexual violence to bully the other.

This is about a perpetrator of sexual violence using the courts and the media to discredit and silence the victim. She cannot possibly be believed because she is lying; and she is lying because her boyfriend is bullying the accussed!

Look up the statistics! Listen to the reasons why women are reluctant to come forward with accounts of sexual violence.

Now take every vile word, attitude and deed that creates rape culture and add to it, that women are now the pawns in an orchestrated bullying campaign for male supremacy in BDSM.

He “claims he has been the victim of an “online bullying campaign”, leading to an extra charge of sexual assault being laid against him”. Yep this man believes, once again, that he is the victim here!

Sound familiar to anyone else?

You see, the second his lawyer stood up yesterday and said the “B” word he not only began his campaign against the second victim, but he began his platform to curate and control the parameters of discussion allowed about this.

This is about, one last desperate attempt, to take back some control over the story that he is the lead villain in. One last pathetic attempt at rebranding himself as a victim as opposed to the perpetrator of sexual violence against women.

This is nothing more than rape culture!

 

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “This is rape culture –

  1. Well said. I am shocked and disgusted, but unfortunately not surprised, that he has decided to turn this into a bullying campaign.

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  2. Do you re-read the shit that comes out of your mind before it makes it onto the internet (to be fair, in your case ‘the internet’ means the two people that have actually taken the time to read this ridiculous blog). The fact that you think your ‘voice is needed’, is comical when you don’t know any of the facts, you aren’t a part of anyone’s legal representation, you haven’t interviewed all parties and you haven’t seen the police brief of evidence. Why would we ‘need’ to hear an obsessed, un-objective opinion of someone who writes completely devoid of fact?

    I’m sure you’ve read the entire book, and know that both ‘exquisite blondes’ mentioned in TW’s story wrote their own stories about this encounter, and they absolutely raved about their experience’s. They both had an awesome time, yet there you sit behind the safe anonymity of your keyboard, slut-shaming them and insinuating they allowed themselves to be objectified, when in actual fact they were just two gorgeous girls looking for a good time. Which they well and truly found.

    If you think this is what being a feminist looks like, if this is what advocating for women’s rights look like, if you think that slut-shaming and kink-shaming women means you are somehow empowering them, then you are as stupid as your uneducated opinions and you don’t speak for me.

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    • Hi Kate,

      Great to hear from you. I really appreciate the time you took to not only read my piece; increasing my page views by 50% according to your math, but the time and mental energy it tok to reply. You seem a tad confused though. On the one hand, I’m irrelevant and kink shaming but on the other I’m interesting enough to have you engage with.

      Look, I’ll be honest you’re not the first maiden to find me, you won’t be the last. You lot are so damn cute that I decided the next one to show me some attention I’d approve not delete.

      Have a great evening Kate.
      I wish you well.

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  3. Here’s my take on it.

    I read his book, so I have a bit of an idea of where his mind is/was at. The man has ploughed his way through a reasonable percentage of Australias female population between the ages of 16-36 and I suspect 99.9% of the girls were more than fine with it, but when you’re clocking up those numbers with an attitude that there are no boundaries and no safe words. Of course you’re going to luck out eventually, its amazing more haven’t come out and its amazing he didn’t get in more hot water!

    Evidence aside he’s found himself in court for pushing the limits and all and all it may just be the kind of situation that goes ‘any publicity is good publicity’, but in saying that, reading the comments above, I suspect he is ‘Kate’, and he’s not in a happy or open minded mood.

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  4. @Orphelia – ‘He’ is not Kate. I am Kate. But, surprise surprise that’s not my real name.

    And you’re totally wrong, if you think any of those girls didn’t have the ability to stop any situation they found themselves in (remembering, they specifically asked for what he offered), you’re an idiot! He didn’t ‘luck out’. The “victim’s” (cough) withdrew consent months after the fact, blatantly lied to the police and withheld evidence.

    @Kram – The news did not say he would be back in court in September 2018. You’re also an idiot. Before you repeat “facts” on the internet, make sure they are accurate.

    @Jennifer – No, not a maiden in anyway shape or form, and please you have been on you’re knees praying for someone like me to voice their thoughts on your pathetic blog. Searching for some sort of personal validation that the verbal vomit you spew is important. You sweetheart, complete the circle of idiots.

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    • Did you read anything by this man?

      He does not believe in consent! He believes that he ‘just knows’ what a woman needs. He chooses to simplify surrender to non-consent – for crying oy out loud – that’s how he build the social media & publishing platform he did!

      He said, and I’m quoting here ” …don’t bother with the social mores, etiquettes or protocols of either the vanilla or BDSM communities”.

      And “I know your limits. We’ve spoken a lot and I’ll be able to see them in your eyes the moment we meet. Setting them will ruin the adventure you’re trying so hard to have”.

      And ” I never ask girls what they want anyway as I feel like it’s my job to know”.

      And “I’ve always just been able to read people, especially submissive women”.

      There are so many other accounts he wrote himself – go and find them I’m not your personal secretary – of him not A being dominant (he just didn’t need to follow our rules” & B not centering consent into his erotic space & the decisions he made.
      Consent = free agreement entered into voluntarily.

      No consent means no free agreement.

      No agreement means there was no posdibility to disengage, because it wasn’t about them! There boundaries, their desires.

      It was about rape!

      But beyond that, women have said it was rape. Women have told me that he chose to sexuality assault them. And i believe them!

      If that makes me complete the circle of stupid then so be it. Not going to change the fact that I believe the women who say they were raped.

      I’m happy to sit with you and talk with you any time you like. I live in Sydney. Contact me through my email & lets set up a time to chate.

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  5. Jenny, Kink is a roll play. Everything he said to them is exactly what they wanted to hear. Young attractive women looking for kinky sex are outnumbered thousands to one by men on the internet. They picked him because they liked what he said to them.

    Then when they met him they loved every minute of it, told him that they did publicly and privately in writing and begged him for more. When he refused they got upset and a year later decided they were raped because their new boyfriend told them to. This will all be easily proven in court. Feminist or not, you must agree with that no one can retrospectively withdraw consent if you decide later that you don’t like a man anymore.

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    • And everything that they said to him was a “role play”!
      Yes sir.
      No sir.
      Three bags full sir.

      It’s how we get what we want!

      The pieces written – performances to indulge his ego. The more we indulge them, the more attention we get. Fetlife is a pantomime, a grotesque stage from which we sell an ideal of ourselves that gives us “love” and “likes” & for a short time first place on the K&P popularity platform.

      What? Did you think only men like Liam knew how to play this game?

      Sweetheart we are the masters at performing submission! We do it everyday of our lives!

      So for every lie Liam said, he heared another one!

      I’d really stop and check your economics when it comes to d/s. Hate to burst your bubble, but we outstrip men, dominant men, tenfold! There are way more of us, then there will ever be dominant men! Ohhh I’m not talking about the pseudo “alpha” men. The pick up artists who follow the lead of those like Roosh, who choose BDSM as a playground for their male entitlement! They’re a dime-a-dozen. But dominant me. The men like the one who own me; they’re a rare breed!
      They recognise the individuality of what submission is. They come together with us & curate genuinely authentic, safe, nurturing dynamics that allow us to find the woman that we are! And to have satisfying sex. Sex that doesn’t involve deceit or disrespect.

      Consent never factored into the spaces that Liam inhabited!

      He told us so.

      For 18 months!

      For 18 months he used Fetlife, Tumblr & his publishing platforms to create a deliberate divide between himself & BDSM. Multiple pieces written in his own hand tell us that he neither follows nor cares for the social mores & protocols of either the BDSM or vanilla communities. We have dozens upon dozens of screenshots of him telling women that if they want to be with him they leave consent and boundaries at the door.

      This case, no matter how his lawyer will frame it, is not about the choices of women. It is about a sequence of sexual behaviours, as outlined in the prosecution brief. Sexual behaviours & choices undertaken – with intent and understanding by Liam.

      Liam chose to do what he did. No one forced him. Coerced him. Threatened him. He did what he did from a place of free will. And because of this & the statements made by his victims the State of NSW has decided to prosecute him. The State. The DPP. Not these women. All that these women are right now are witnesses; testifying as to what they know and experienced. Just like any other witness in any other legal case.

      Every women, submissive or otherwise, gets to write her own story. And I choose to believe them, simply because I am a feminist. If these two women (and the many others who have not gone to the police) say that this man raped them – I choose to believe them!

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      • So you do believe that a person can withdraw their consent retrospectively at any point in the future….

        Cool, now we know you’re a complete moron.

        PS – This screenshot will be useful in the deformation case that’s currently being compiled against you.

        Like

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